Weapon of Choice

Am I the only one who wants to dance like the video when standing in a hallway with elevators on either side of me?

A New Week

Tonight I'm adding my 1hr at the gym to my daily activities, since I've yet to actually start that like I said I would. Surprise, Surprise. I've lost just about all the weight I think I'm going to lose from my surgeries though without exercise, and I'm not going to be satisfied until I'm model material! har har

Even though it's that time of year to talk about Tithing again, I much enjoyed yesterday's service. Took an entirely new look (for me) at the idea of money and who it belongs to.

Also, I started a new book "Did God Write the Bible?" by Dan Hayden. I'm interested to see what he has to say since my stance on the matter is that the bible is man's interpretation of God's word, as he (man) understood it. I started reading this so that I'd still be able to dedicate an hour or so to my time with God daily on Sundays and Wednesdays, as those are the two days I'm not working on my "Experiencing God" bible study. It only has activities for 6 days of the week, 5 of them you do on your own and then one is done one day a week with your group. Even with actually going to the church on those days, I still felt the need to have *my* time with God just between the two of us.

Of course, I'm still reading fiction as well.. rereading to be exact. Since I do so love to make sure all my books are well loved and well read! Last book in the Kushiel's Legacy series finally went to softcover and so I'm working through the set again as not to miss any of Jacqueline Carey's wonderful "hidden" references. Typically her references of greater significance are going forward, but there is of course those that go backward too.

Finally made up my mind to butcher my Mac... splitting up my HD and putting Linux on it. Unfortunately, some of the programs I expected to be on my computer with the re-installation of OS X are no longer there... I.E. Garage Band. *cry*

I want to be able to play LotR Online again, as well as WoW Scape... so I need a non-Mac OS to really run them smoothly. SecondLife will be thankful for my putting it on something that will run it more smoothly as well, because boy does my lag bite the big one!

Ta-Da!

Not planning on posting anything substantial considering that it's getting close to 2:00a.m. and I am tired. But...

I did want to at lease post something as I plan to begin using this again. Just for myself really. Of course for myself, actually. LOL

This week has been a good one, in comparison to a long string of bad ones. Not good because of anything specific that happened really, and much of the week was honestly a struggle to get through - but the point is, I got through it and kept on trucking.

Getting off the narcotic pain medications the military doctors were keeping me on as "stable" was a really good choice on my part. The difference in how I behave now, verses just a couple of weeks ago... AMAZING.

While I do not call the following "New Years Resolutions" I will agree that they are resolutions, they just happened to be around New Years because of when I came off the medications and started to *care* again. So, without further ado, there they are..

1) Spend 1hr per day cleaning.
2) Spend 1hr per day in prayer (I.E. Bible Study).
3) Spend 1hr per day exercising.

For the past week I've been doing good on all but the exercising. LOL Well, that's not exactly true. By 1hr a day, I meant 1hr in the gym on top of whatever else I do. While I haven't gone to the gym, I have been very active as I've been walking for 1/2 the day or more on many of the days this past week as I've gone around on my own shooting pictures in different places. So, my legs have certainly been getting a workout!

I'd like to start keeping track of my Christian walk, but I'm not sure yet if I'm going to do that here or start a blog specifically for that. Either way, I'd like to keep track of my progress (both ups and downs) over time. Something to reflect upon.

What spurred much of what I'm trying to do was my reflection on how the times I've been most happy were often the times I had the least. Certainly, I do not mean like now were I am powerless to deal with or fix anything that's going on because of... reasons. What I mean are the times where I had balance in my life, because my life was simple. Family, Church, Work, Relax. Rinse, wash and repeat.

Okay, time for this bonzo to get to bed. Um, love you Dear Diary? lol... g'Night!

LMAO

I found some old blogs of mine tonight, in which was this gem written in 2004...

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"Nice Guys Always Finish Last"

What the hell is that all about anyways??
Of course the nice guys always finish last you dumb asses.. Once we find a nice guy, we're done. F*ing A!!!

Guys can be such selfcentered idiots sometimes.. But that stupid ass quote... I'm just sick of hearing it. A nice guy doesn't 'finish last'... He just finishes, geeze...

Don't guys understand that the "Nice guys finish last" attitude is so freaking unattractive...
It's as ugly and unattractive as whining.... Lots of guys sit around, "Why does that asshole get so many girls, and I can't get a single one?!"
Well, firstly... he's an asshole, and most of those girls are whores... Is that really something to be jealous of?!

Noooooooooo........ >,<

Secondly, maybe if you'd open your eyes and shut your bitching mouth, you'd notice that there are girls for you. Better ones.

Hopes & Prayers for Tomorrow

Dear Friends,

I know that I have done a very lousy job lately of keeping you up to date, I plan to see that this is fixed beginning tomorrow when I enter a new chapter in what has already been an eventful year. Thank you for your caring words, thoughts and prayers , they have kept me warm & comforted.

Tomorrow morning I have what, I hope, will turn out to be a very big doctor's appt. that will start a dramatic change for the better. Sunday I discovered that these "naps" and long moments where I "just needed to close my eyes" were actually episodes of blacking out due to intense waves of pain. I was found on the floor of my shower, where I had been unconscious for at least 30-45 minutes. This has rattled me as much as the person who found me, as I had not been aware that I had actually been losing consciousness. Hopefully the doctor I am seeing in the morning will feel the same way.

You will recieve a longer, more informed, update tomorrow with everything I have failed to keep you updated with so far as well as what is to come. Thank you all again for being so wonderful to me.

What Dreams May Come

To put into words all of the ways this movie touches my soul seems like an impossible feat; thus far it has been.

This is what I envision heaven to be, and how I have perceived my life in many ways.

In the times that I need to cry, for both the good and the bad reasons (though usually the latter), this is where I turn. Sweeping me and my emotions along with it from the very first scene, as I know well what is to come, I cry straight through to the end. This feeling for me is as though it where an affirmation of my own life and all that I face in it.

If you have not seen this movie, or perhaps never truly gave it a chance because you "didn't get it" or where "just not into it", please do. As much as I hope others find this movie speaking to their hearts as it does my own, I hope that those who might desire to be near me can see what I see in it so that perhaps they can see more truly.. me and how I perceive me.

Perhaps some day I can be "so wonderful that a man would chose to spend eternity in hell over heaven" to be with me.

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Just some more meaningful quotes...

What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.

What some folks call impossible, is just stuff they haven't seen before.

That's when I realized I'm part of the problem. Not because I remind you. But because I couldn't join you.

Thank you for every kindness. Thank you for our children. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always proud to be with. For your guts, for your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. God, you were my life. I apologize for every time I ever failed you. Especially this one...

Sometimes, when you win, you lose.
&
Sometimes, when you lose, you win.

Chris: Where is God in all of this?
Albert: Oh, He's up there. Somewhere... shouting down that He loves us. Wondering why we can't hear Him. You think?

SelecSys Profile Summary

Summary

Tinker, your responses indicate that you are very precise, careful and conscientious. Accuracy and excellence are very important to you, and you are cautious of the new until it is proven to be successful. Your strong sense of duty and loyalty is reinforced by your very meticulous approach to life and work. Criticism may readily affect you. If you are called upon to delegate detail work to people, you expect them to perform with speed.

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Communication Style

Tinker, you prefer to tell people what to do in a straightforward fashion, rather than use persuasion. You are very effective in expressing yourself factually and sincerely. You are precise, frank, sensitive to tone, and can become discouraged if criticized unfairly. Also, Tinker, you express urgency when relating with people. You like fast paced exchanges and, at times, your tone may be impatient. You express yourself in a factual, to-the-point manner. Your communication style is precise. Tinker, you are intent on getting things done right, and you insist on maintaining the highest quality. You focus on the disciplined mastery of details and systems, and you use principles and tradition to help you maintain an orderly environment. You need to know all of the details all of the time, are cautious of changes in the system, and often take negative feedback personally. You function well when supplied with rules, manuals, and systems. You prefer that details and proposals be presented in writing. If not pressured, you rarely make mistakes.

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Leadership

Leadership Style: Traditionalist You expertly perform your leadership role by managing your people through systems and procedures, and requiring them to follow your organization's rules. You exercise a conservative and watchful style while making sure that projects are handled correctly. You show respect for colleagues' positions and you expect the same in return. You may desire time alone to think matters through and to plan and design systems and procedures. You may prefer to deal with your subordinates one-on-one. You can handle a lot of variety and you like to set a fast pace.

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Conscientiousness

Your personal style tends to be somewhat easy-going and relaxed. You do your best work on tasks that you enjoy, but you may be able to sustain an adequate degree of effort when it comes to essential tasks. You may or may not be concerned about extremely high levels of achievement. You like to maintain a balance between work and relaxation. You may apply positive motivation for consensus-building work activities, but maintaining focus on bottom-line results may be a challenge for you.

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Motivation

Motivation Needs: Tinker, you tend to be motivated by praise for tasks well done, and by having enough time to complete projects. You are more productive in a structured environment where there are few abrupt changes, and where there is basic job security with good benefits. You desire a professional culture where criticism is carefully administered, and where tradition is respected. You can be demotivated if systems are not firmly established and routine procedures are not in place. You can become discouraged when criticized unconstructively or unfairly. You tend to be less productive when not supported by enforceable rules, clear directions, step-by-step plans, or written communications. Primary Motivation: • A structured environment that has few sudden or abrupt changes. • The security of basic benefits. • A worked out system and quality products. • Praise for specific accomplishments. • Standard operating procedures and sound actions. • Fairness in dealings with individuals and groups. • Time to do things right. Primary Demotivation: • You are constantly criticized. • The rules are changed without plenty of notice. • There is a lack of procedures, quality and fairness. • There is not a worked out system.