Meus Iter

Weapon of Choice

2009-02-09T12:49:00.001-05:00

Am I the only one who wants to dance like the video when standing in a hallway with elevators on either side of me?

A New Week

2009-01-12T11:30:00.002-05:00

Tonight I'm adding my 1hr at the gym to my daily activities, since I've yet to actually start that like I said I would. Surprise, Surprise. I've lost just about all the weight I think I'm going to lose from my surgeries though without exercise, and I'm not going to be satisfied until I'm model material! har har

Even though it's that time of year to talk about Tithing again, I much enjoyed yesterday's service. Took an entirely new look (for me) at the idea of money and who it belongs to.

Also, I started a new book "Did God Write the Bible?" by Dan Hayden. I'm interested to see what he has to say since my stance on the matter is that the bible is man's interpretation of God's word, as he (man) understood it. I started reading this so that I'd still be able to dedicate an hour or so to my time with God daily on Sundays and Wednesdays, as those are the two days I'm not working on my "Experiencing God" bible study. It only has activities for 6 days of the week, 5 of them you do on your own and then one is done one day a week with your group. Even with actually going to the church on those days, I still felt the need to have *my* time with God just between the two of us.

Of course, I'm still reading fiction as well.. rereading to be exact. Since I do so love to make sure all my books are well loved and well read! Last book in the Kushiel's Legacy series finally went to softcover and so I'm working through the set again as not to miss any of Jacqueline Carey's wonderful "hidden" references. Typically her references of greater significance are going forward, but there is of course those that go backward too.

Finally made up my mind to butcher my Mac... splitting up my HD and putting Linux on it. Unfortunately, some of the programs I expected to be on my computer with the re-installation of OS X are no longer there... I.E. Garage Band. *cry*

I want to be able to play LotR Online again, as well as WoW Scape... so I need a non-Mac OS to really run them smoothly. SecondLife will be thankful for my putting it on something that will run it more smoothly as well, because boy does my lag bite the big one!

Ta-Da!

2009-01-09T01:44:00.003-05:00

Not planning on posting anything substantial considering that it's getting close to 2:00a.m. and I am tired. But...

I did want to at lease post something as I plan to begin using this again. Just for myself really. Of course for myself, actually. LOL

This week has been a good one, in comparison to a long string of bad ones. Not good because of anything specific that happened really, and much of the week was honestly a struggle to get through - but the point is, I got through it and kept on trucking.

Getting off the narcotic pain medications the military doctors were keeping me on as "stable" was a really good choice on my part. The difference in how I behave now, verses just a couple of weeks ago... AMAZING.

While I do not call the following "New Years Resolutions" I will agree that they are resolutions, they just happened to be around New Years because of when I came off the medications and started to *care* again. So, without further ado, there they are..

1) Spend 1hr per day cleaning.
2) Spend 1hr per day in prayer (I.E. Bible Study).
3) Spend 1hr per day exercising.

For the past week I've been doing good on all but the exercising. LOL Well, that's not exactly true. By 1hr a day, I meant 1hr in the gym on top of whatever else I do. While I haven't gone to the gym, I have been very active as I've been walking for 1/2 the day or more on many of the days this past week as I've gone around on my own shooting pictures in different places. So, my legs have certainly been getting a workout!

I'd like to start keeping track of my Christian walk, but I'm not sure yet if I'm going to do that here or start a blog specifically for that. Either way, I'd like to keep track of my progress (both ups and downs) over time. Something to reflect upon.

What spurred much of what I'm trying to do was my reflection on how the times I've been most happy were often the times I had the least. Certainly, I do not mean like now were I am powerless to deal with or fix anything that's going on because of... reasons. What I mean are the times where I had balance in my life, because my life was simple. Family, Church, Work, Relax. Rinse, wash and repeat.

Okay, time for this bonzo to get to bed. Um, love you Dear Diary? lol... g'Night!

LMAO

2007-10-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

I found some old blogs of mine tonight, in which was this gem written in 2004...

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"Nice Guys Always Finish Last"

What the hell is that all about anyways??
Of course the nice guys always finish last you dumb asses.. Once we find a nice guy, we're done. F*ing A!!!

Guys can be such selfcentered idiots sometimes.. But that stupid ass quote... I'm just sick of hearing it. A nice guy doesn't 'finish last'... He just finishes, geeze...

Don't guys understand that the "Nice guys finish last" attitude is so freaking unattractive...
It's as ugly and unattractive as whining.... Lots of guys sit around, "Why does that asshole get so many girls, and I can't get a single one?!"
Well, firstly... he's an asshole, and most of those girls are whores... Is that really something to be jealous of?!

Noooooooooo........ >,<

Secondly, maybe if you'd open your eyes and shut your bitching mouth, you'd notice that there are girls for you. Better ones.

Hopes & Prayers for Tomorrow

2007-10-09T18:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

I know that I have done a very lousy job lately of keeping you up to date, I plan to see that this is fixed beginning tomorrow when I enter a new chapter in what has already been an eventful year. Thank you for your caring words, thoughts and prayers , they have kept me warm & comforted.

Tomorrow morning I have what, I hope, will turn out to be a very big doctor's appt. that will start a dramatic change for the better. Sunday I discovered that these "naps" and long moments where I "just needed to close my eyes" were actually episodes of blacking out due to intense waves of pain. I was found on the floor of my shower, where I had been unconscious for at least 30-45 minutes. This has rattled me as much as the person who found me, as I had not been aware that I had actually been losing consciousness. Hopefully the doctor I am seeing in the morning will feel the same way.

You will recieve a longer, more informed, update tomorrow with everything I have failed to keep you updated with so far as well as what is to come. Thank you all again for being so wonderful to me.

What Dreams May Come

2007-10-07T22:45:00.001-05:00

To put into words all of the ways this movie touches my soul seems like an impossible feat; thus far it has been.

This is what I envision heaven to be, and how I have perceived my life in many ways.

In the times that I need to cry, for both the good and the bad reasons (though usually the latter), this is where I turn. Sweeping me and my emotions along with it from the very first scene, as I know well what is to come, I cry straight through to the end. This feeling for me is as though it where an affirmation of my own life and all that I face in it.

If you have not seen this movie, or perhaps never truly gave it a chance because you "didn't get it" or where "just not into it", please do. As much as I hope others find this movie speaking to their hearts as it does my own, I hope that those who might desire to be near me can see what I see in it so that perhaps they can see more truly.. me and how I perceive me.

Perhaps some day I can be "so wonderful that a man would chose to spend eternity in hell over heaven" to be with me.

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Just some more meaningful quotes...

What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.

What some folks call impossible, is just stuff they haven't seen before.

That's when I realized I'm part of the problem. Not because I remind you. But because I couldn't join you.

Thank you for every kindness. Thank you for our children. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always proud to be with. For your guts, for your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. God, you were my life. I apologize for every time I ever failed you. Especially this one...

Sometimes, when you win, you lose.
&
Sometimes, when you lose, you win.

Chris: Where is God in all of this?
Albert: Oh, He's up there. Somewhere... shouting down that He loves us. Wondering why we can't hear Him. You think?

SelecSys Profile Summary

2007-08-28T13:34:00.000-05:00

Summary

Tinker, your responses indicate that you are very precise, careful and conscientious. Accuracy and excellence are very important to you, and you are cautious of the new until it is proven to be successful. Your strong sense of duty and loyalty is reinforced by your very meticulous approach to life and work. Criticism may readily affect you. If you are called upon to delegate detail work to people, you expect them to perform with speed.

Communication Style

Tinker, you prefer to tell people what to do in a straightforward fashion, rather than use persuasion. You are very effective in expressing yourself factually and sincerely. You are precise, frank, sensitive to tone, and can become discouraged if criticized unfairly.

Also, Tinker, you express urgency when relating with people. You like fast paced exchanges and, at times, your tone may be impatient.

You express yourself in a factual, to-the-point manner. Your communication style is precise.

Tinker, you are intent on getting things done right, and you insist on maintaining the highest quality. You focus on the disciplined mastery of details and systems, and you use principles and tradition to help you maintain an orderly environment. You need to know all of the details all of the time, are cautious of changes in the system, and often take negative feedback personally.

You function well when supplied with rules, manuals, and systems. You prefer that details and proposals be presented in writing. If not pressured, you rarely make mistakes.

Leadership

Leadership Style: Traditionalist
You expertly perform your leadership role by managing your people through systems and procedures, and requiring them to follow your organization's rules. You exercise a conservative and watchful style while making sure that projects are handled correctly. You show respect for colleagues' positions and you expect the same in return. You may desire time alone to think matters through and to plan and design systems and procedures. You may prefer to deal with your subordinates one-on-one. You can handle a lot of variety and you like to set a fast pace.

Conscientiousness

Your personal style tends to be somewhat easy-going and relaxed. You do your best work on tasks that you enjoy, but you may be able to sustain an adequate degree of effort when it comes to essential tasks. You may or may not be concerned about extremely high levels of achievement. You like to maintain a balance between work and relaxation. You may apply positive motivation for consensus-building work activities, but maintaining focus on bottom-line results may be a challenge for you.

Motivation

Motivation Needs:
Tinker, you tend to be motivated by praise for tasks well done, and by having enough time to complete projects. You are more productive in a structured environment where there are few abrupt changes, and where there is basic job security with good benefits. You desire a professional culture where criticism is carefully administered, and where tradition is respected.

You can be demotivated if systems are not firmly established and routine procedures are not in place. You can become discouraged when criticized unconstructively or unfairly. You tend to be less productive when not supported by enforceable rules, clear directions, step-by-step plans, or written communications.

Primary Motivation:
• A structured environment that has few sudden or abrupt changes.
• The security of basic benefits.
• A worked out system and quality products.
• Praise for specific accomplishments.
• Standard operating procedures and sound actions.
• Fairness in dealings with individuals and groups.
• Time to do things right.

Primary Demotivation:
• You are constantly criticized.
• The rules are changed without plenty of notice.
• There is a lack of procedures, quality and fairness.
• There is not a worked out system.

Missplaced Interest

2007-06-13T11:19:00.000-05:00

Horrible things that happen every day to good people which we have no control over, I should know.

Why is it then that rather than help those deserving & truly in need people so readily respond to such stories as...

WoW & Baby
Madeleine McCann
Paris Hilton

???

The first two links are stories that make me cry, it is impossible for me to understand what either set of parents were thinking, or rather, impossible for me to understand how they could possibly not think about the outcome of their actions.

I grieve for the childrens' lost potential, one of them could have cured cancner some day..

While I am sad for the parents' loss, I am infuriated with their actions. Little Madeleine who was not yet four years old when she dissapeared, was expected to be safe alone with her two year old sister? In a strange country at that! Making matters all the worse are our celebrity role-models that youths look to when measuring the value of their own lives, supporting these parents without a single pointed finger asking "Why were they left alone?"

Leading into another frustration..

Sports stars, more and more, are going straight from highschool (if that) into the pros. Buy them early, buy them for less, use them longer. What about little Jonny who wants nothing more than to be in the NBA and subsiquently considers school a waste of time when he can skip it to be just like Kobe? As with the President of the United States, I believe there should be certain requirements before a person can become a professional sports player. The fact that there are no regulations makes for NFL players who can't stay out of jail except for when their managers keep them straight just long enough for game day.

There is no specific point in this post other than to vent my frustration with the loss of values today.

To watch or read the news is to be increasingly saddened by society.

Google & 911 ?

2007-06-05T08:05:00.000-05:00

What a load of crap!
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Report: JFK terror plotters used Google Earth

Posted by Caroline McCarthy

One of the four terror suspects in an alleged plot to blow up fuel tanks and a gas pipeline at New York City's John F. Kennedy International Airport recommended Google Earth as a way to obtain detailed aerial photographs, according to a court complaint obtained by The Smoking Gun.

The "JFK plot" made headlines on Saturday when U.S. officials announced that they had charged four men, one of whom remains at large, in a nascent plot to target fuel tanks and a gas pipeline at the high-traffic airport. The court document in question describes a May 11 meeting in Guyana, in which one of the four defendants, Abdul Kadir, said that the surveillance video they had "was not sufficiently detailed for operational purposes, and told them to use Google Earth software to get more detailed pictures of JFK after they returned to New York."

According to a statement from Google on Monday, the search and information giant has "paid close attention to concerns that Google Earth creates new security risks." Additionally, it's willing to be cooperative. "Google takes security concerns very seriously, and is always willing to discuss them with public agencies and officials. Our experience is that security concerns can best be addressed through dialog with the relevant governmental experts." The statement then cited U.S. government studies that determined that the benefits of making imaging data (like the images found on Google Earth) publicly available outweigh the risks, and that the government can likewise limit availability if it chooses to.

The Google statement pointed out that while Google Earth might be one of the most popular and accessible sources of detailed aerial views, it's by no means the only one. "The imagery visible on Google Earth and Google Maps is not unique: commercial high-resolution satellite and aerial imagery of every country in the world is widely available from numerous sources," the release read. "Indeed, anyone who flies above or drives by a piece of property can obtain similar information. Accordingly, we expect security concerns to be addressed primarily by the companies and governmental agencies that gather and distribute the images."

That's true, but Google Earth and other online satellite mapping databases certainly do make it easier for a would-be terrorist to obtain such maps anonymously. Prior to the availability of services like Google Earth, it would've been tough to get your hands on satellite imagery without asking for it--and potentially drawing attention to yourself if you were asking for aerial views of something like an airport.

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In 1999 I was looking up people's home addresses, phone numbers and satalite images of their land here http://apps.coj.net/PAO/ just using their first and last name. Not to mention that http://www.mapquest.com/ has been around for over ten years itself! I could make half a dozen more links off the top of my head to websites that provide similar information, with satalite images as detailed as Google Earth, some even more so! Heaven forbid I do a search for such tools..

I hope that anyone who reads any articles relating to this matter has enough common sense to say "Bull Shit" - though I know that this is unfortunately not the case for the masses.

Secret Post

2007-06-01T19:45:00.001-05:00

This was intended for www.postsecret.com but a recent post in the Endometriosis Research Center's yahoo group made me cry today because it struck so close to home..

The question was "What should people know, what do people (wrongly) think?" and one of the responses was made by a mother about her daughter. Someone had said to her daughter, "Well I know people with cancer that make it to school everyday!" which was crushing.

As if dealing with a disease that has no cure and who's treatment options are dangerous and damaging wasn't enough, the lack of understanding is that much worse. I consider myself to be blessed that so many try to understand, but I see them struggle with it everyday like I'm supposed to magically get better. I watch as they can't help but become frustrated with me when I say that I am not okay but appear fine.

My dad has been fighting cancer for about five years now. When I tell anyone about my dad the response is always something to the effect of, "Oh I'm so sorry, I'll pray for him!" or something of similar ilk. While they may not understand fully what it means to have cancer or watch someone you love deal with it, it is common knowledge that it is a horrible thing to have to go through and scary to boot.

Endometriosis is scary too.

There is something growing inside of my body that's not supposed to be there, and I can't do anything about it. It hurts me physically and my relationships with those around me. Too little is known about this disease that was discovered over 300 years ago. Doctors still can't even agree on safe treatment options, instead they proscribe harmful treatments that give little to no return on the investment of risks taken.

When I told my mom that my doctor thought I might have endometriosis she responded with, "It could be worse. At least you don't have cancer." I don't think she knows how much those two sentences have hurt me, in fact, I know she doesn't.

Here are the top five things I want others to know about endometriosis..

5) I cry every time the pain is so bad that it keeps me from being a productive member of society. It is the pain that makes it hard for me to visit with friends and family or work, not because I don't want to.

4) Endometriosis is a disease, it's not just bad cramps. Many other medical conditions also come as a "gift" when you have endometriosis. No, there is no known cure. Having a baby will not solve my problems and you're an ass for saying so. Lupron is not a miracle shot, it is a temporary solution with very serious long term side effects. Do NOT perform a laperscopic surgery just to get it under your belt and stick it on your resume, if you can't help, help me find someone who can.

3) My emotions are out of control, and it's not just from the Lurpon. I am uncomfortable in my own skin and ashamed of what this disease has done to my body. That too makes me cry every day, because I don't know how to deal with this and neither does anyone else.

2) Don't tell me you know how I feel, that you've had something similar. You don't, and you didn't. Endometriosis has a very distinct feeling and if you do not have it, you cannot imagine what it is like to feel so clearly know where and when the disease is spreading inside of you while you and the doctors both are helpless to stop it.

1) Learn about endometriosis with me, help me not be scared. This is the most important thing you can do for me.

"V for Vendetta" Review

2007-05-31T22:00:00.000-05:00

While this review may be a few years out of date, I feel it is no less warranted as I have just recently discovered this movie & would like to share it with you, in case you too discounted it for far too long.

Unbelievable as it may be that this comic store geek (me) didn't realize "V for Vendetta" was based on the Vertigo series, and instead mistakenly thought it some horrible movie adaptation by the author Sue Grafton who's books make me shutter with disgust, this sad fact is true.

I am atoning with this review.

If you read George Orwell's "1984" or Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451" and were angered by the fictional injustice their stories foretold as our possible futures, then this is a movie you cannot pass up.

However, if stories about the "What if..?" of anti-utopian societies are not your cup of tea, there's plenty of things that go boom to suffice.

I really was a good child.. promise.

2007-05-24T20:36:00.000-05:00

Since my last update I underwent a minor surgery to repair a right inguinal hernia. This took place last Friday, the 18th of May. I would like to think recovery is going along far more speedily than before, since I was still on meth at this point and unable to walk on my own the last go around, but it sure doesn't feel that way..

Mayhap I am just inpatient?

I stopped taking the Lortab they gave me for pain about a day and a half after the surgery, they weren't helping overly much and only making me quite sick to my stomach. What has helped the most has been ice.. blessed, blessed ice. Standing and sitting are both equally challenging and I regret more and more my choice to live on the 2nd story so that I could keep my windows open safely.

I waited to post again until after my follow up appointment with the surgeon, which was just this past Tuesday, because like last time I had a lot of questions I needed answered. This time however, they were questions that had to wait on results from the biopsy taken during surgery and not negligence on the part of the doctor.

My surgeon is a little perplexed by the results of the biopsy, and we're now following up on that with some more blood tests and an ultrasound. He removed a lump of calcification from the hernia sac, blood tests should help us figure out if it was dystrophic calcification or metastatic calcification. Either way, this is something that should only happen in people far more advanced in age than myself it seems.

I had not made any mention to my surgeon the results of any test showing endometrial cells, which had been causing the cancer scare previously with my GYN. So, I was a little surprised and sad to hear him talk to me about pursuing every other possibility before seriously considering cancer. That too is something I am much too young for, the particular form of cancer in question that is.

It's a relief to know that my surgeon has a better grasp on what endometriosis is and does than my GYN though, he had the foresight not to put a mesh in to repair the hernia as my endo would have reacted badly. As is, he's waiting three months to see how this surgery heals up to decide if it's worth going in to look at my left side which was hurting me worse than the right. Endometriosis it seems is not very fond of being messed with and reacts very strongly to being attacked, even indirectly. (I've taken to talking about it like a poorly behaved pet in need of some serious temperament readjusting.) I think also he's worried about if my body will create more calcifications from the surgery.

I will probably go in for the blood test soon and then wait until a time closer to my appointment with the surgeon again in three months for the ultrasound, I don't want anyone pushing around my stomach area any time soon. I was instructed to start massaging the area around where he operated to help prevent scar tissue build up, something I haven't yet been able to bring myself to actually do..

..but I did promise, so I will.

Tomorrow I go to see another doctor, one I'm a little embarrassed about. I'm going to see this doctor about a colinoscapy to see if the endo is effecting my bowls, something I am not looking forward to at all. I suppose that I have no reason to be embarrassed for the need, but none the less... someone messing with that plumbing and all is enough to make me want to hide.

I am daily reminded of the many blessings that do come into my life, no matter the rest of this mess. The surgeon was going to send me back to work starting next Monday with light hours, but I wanted to start trying yesterday for at least an hour or two. I either started getting sick from the surgery or somehow caught the flu, a hospital is a great place to get sick if you're looking to do something as crazy as that after all. That has set me back which frustrates me to no end of course, and today I didn't make it either because of the pain.. I even resorted to trying one of my Lortabs to no avail. My boss has been incredibly understanding and patient through all of this, he has really been a strong source of advice and encouragement with how much this has been dragging me down. I cannot yet drive myself anywhere and my ride-plans for tomorrow didn't work out as I hoped, so I was very thankful when my boss agreed to take me tomorrow.

I've actually been wanting to post a lot since my surgery, but I was holding off until I could make this post. That being done.. I hope to start talking about some more interesting things here, anything besides just a journal update on my latest catastrophe.

Surgery #2

2007-05-15T20:36:00.000-05:00

I went to meet with a general surgeon today, a doctor who's done three previous surgeries on my dad. He was wonderful and extremely friendly. The office was so clean and I was completely comfortable and confident, it was a drastic change to the doctors I had been seeing previously.

Change Is Good!

The surgery will take place this Friday and should not take but an hour, permitting the doctor doesn't find too much new endometriosis growing in the hernia. Recovery should only take a couple days and for that I'm thankful, I've had too much down time this year as is.

I recently joined a very good yahoo group for endometriosis where I have learnt a lot and found other women far more experienced in this than I, women who have many of the answers I seek. A trip to Atlanta may be required later this year or next to see one of the leading specialist in the country. I do not think that the risks of this Lupron shot are worth the minimal chance of it working, that's not even going into the emotional train wreck they have turned me into.

I wanted to write much more than this, but I can feel yet another flood of emotional trauma coming on so I'm going to turn in my chips and head to bed.

Mother's Day @ Arby's

2007-05-13T18:20:00.000-05:00

As Mother's Day approached I wanted to do something very special for someone who is very special to me. Her name is Trena and she is Brandon's mom. Last year when the trial began and I had no transportation to get there, she was my hero. Everyday she and her husband, Ron, bared the pain of passing by the exit to Brandon's apartment to come get me so that I could be a part of the trial and have some peace.

Thankfully our relationship did not end with the trial and Trena has become a very dear friend to me, a great role model. I try to be as supportive for her as she has been for me, together we are both learning things about Brandon we didn't know before from one another.

I called Ron earlier this week to see if he thought taking Trena to lunch today would be a good idea, he thought it was a great idea. I waited a few days to call Trena herself because I wanted to make it as much of a surprise as possible, but I still wanted to give her time to be ready for such a big day. I considered all the other moms that would be having lunch with their children though, and knew that would be very hard for Trena.. I didn't want to give up on the idea though, and something Brandon himself once did for me gave me an idea.

When Brandon discovered that I had stopped celebrating my birthdays at the age of twelve he decided to fix that. We had been driving when somehow the conversation came up and immediately he did a U-turn and took us to a grocery store for cake. From there we went to McDonald's where he got me a kids meal so that I could have a toy as a present! There are pictures of this expedition on ADAAT.

www.adaat.deviantart.com

I happen to know that Trena loves the chicken salad sandwich at Arby's, so that was my backup plan & good thing too! I had a day to prepare. Originally I had just planned on a card and lunch but I wanted to make Arby's more special than a chicken salad sandwich, so I had to start thinking..

First I got a pink table cover, just one of those one-use ones you use at birthday parties and the like. I wanted something for the table though and I couldn't make up my mind between flowers, a candle or a wine bottle. I wondered what the alcohol policy was in fast food joints, that was too iffy. When I looked up and saw Brandon's angels I knew it had to be a candle. Trena gave me these angels from Brandon's things and they are a story for another time, but I knew it would be perfect. With tablecloth, angel and a tea light candle in tow I set out to pick up Trena. This was going to be a better Mother's Day lunch than any we could have had at a fancy restraunt.

After we placed our order I asked if she would be okay with the tray while I got us a table, of course she was. I was all kinds of worried that I wouldn't be able to get this tablecloth unfolded and the candle lit in time before she came with the food. But as fate would have it, fast food doesn't always mean it's coming fast. I had enough time to go back and carry the tray for her after all! I was excited about taking Trena to lunch for Mother's Day from the moment the idea entered my head, it was so wonderful to see her so surprised at the sight of the table and the familiar candle.

The hardest part probably was finding a card that fit the situation, that took a little doing and a lot of hunting. Once I found the card I copied over this letter I'd been working on into it and drew a bunch of different bears saying funny/cute things. Brandon had a little bear he drew a lot, they were all stylized after that. I also printed out a few of Brandon's own drawings and slipped those into the cards. All of these little drawings were very much like confetti and it worked like a charm when Trena suddenly had a whole bunch of cute little bears and doodles all over her!

I'm so glad that she said yes, I was very worried that she might not. Trena is a wonderful person and really deserved a good Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day

"Grindhouse" Review

2007-05-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

If one were to search Google for "Grindhouse" right now, they might come across the following..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploitation_film

Exploitation film is a type of film that eschews the expense of "quality" productions in favor of making films on-the-cheap, attracting the public by exciting their more prurient interests. "Exploitation" is the show business term for promotion, and an exploitation film is one which relies heavily on the lurid advertising of its contents, rather than the intrinsic quality of the film.

Exploitation films feature explosions, drug use, scantily clad women, nudity, machismo, forbidden sex, wanton violence, freaks and geeks, gore, monsters, destruction, rebellion and mayhem. Such films have existed since the earliest days of movie making, but they were popularized in the 1960s with the general relaxing of cinematic taboos in the U.S. and Europe. Since the 1990s, this genre has also received attention from academic circles, where it is sometimes called paracinema.

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Well then, let's see to our check list here...

Explosions = Check ("Big, big ba-da Boom"-Leeloo, 5th Element)

Drug Use = Check (Mild)

Scantily Clad Women = Check (You better believe it!)

Nudity = Check (Sort of..)

Machismo = Check (Whoa..)

Forbidden Sex = Check ("Reel Missing")

Wanton Violence = CHECK (CHECK again!)

Freaks and Geeks = (Eh) Check (Not so much..)

Monsters = Check (Purely "sick in the mind" sense of the word.)

Destruction = Check (Definitely)

Rebellion and Mayhem = Check (Oh buddy..!)

Looks to me like Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino have certainly made this movie fit the bill of an exploitation film. Except that there is an abundance of "intrinsic quality" to the film!

If you like zombies, driving fast and very hot girls.. you will not be let down.

I would describe this movie as an acquired taste. Much like Kung Fu, you will either love & appreciate it or hate it entirely. The segmentation of the movie is brilliant, an original idea!! I'm hard pressed to say whether it was the two feature films I liked best or the 'previews' in between. Each feature film starts off a little slow, but once everything falls into place you find yourself incredibly grateful for the character building.

Especially in response to the zombies, I found myself giddy in amusement at how perfectly each cheesy note was struck. I'd even risk saying that just about any possible cheese factor you could think of, will be presented to you before the end of this film... and that's the best part!

One final note, don't wait for anything special after the credits - I was heartbroken to wait and find nothing to reward my efforts, it was the only cheese factor missing for me.

Good News!

2007-05-10T12:27:00.000-05:00

The results of the last biopsy came in today, negativo!

They will continue to monitor it with another one every 6 mo for the next two years though and if nothing shows up in that time I can go to once a year. Because of the type of cells they were finding I'm relieved to know that it'll be monitored, but I'm even more relieved to finally have a definative answer.

Faith in my GYN grows less and less, if such a small number exists. He opens his mouth and I can never believe what's coming out of it. Waiting on one more referral to finalize & then I'll be changing doctors, with any luck it'll be for the better. I've gotten a few recomendations, though there doesn't seem to be any specific doctor with a reputation for treating endometriosis in my city. But, that's okay. I'd just like to find someone capable of telling me what they think, listen to what I think and be willing to help me find the best treatment options instead of being so daft and pushy. Especially not someone who holds the birth of a child in such low reguard as to suggest getting pregnant as a possible solution to my endo, how can they call themselves an OB/GYN when they think so little of the responsibility of child rearing?

Started the Lupron injections today, these shots will put me into a state of menopause for the next 6 mo. In addition to the shot I've got little patches of estrogen to get me through the first month which are pretty interesting. If any of you have ever spent any real time around horses you'll know about a solution used in the winter to keep their blood flowing in their legs at night. This solution is so strong that if you get any on your skin, almost immediately you're tasting it in your mouth. Well, that's what these estrogen patches are like. Bleck! Some women have very mild side effects with this form of treatment, handling it with grace. Then there's some women who's side effects are so sever they suffer from short term memory loss. Let's hope I can handle this with grace, eh? Heaven knows I already know how to be a bitch without the help of zero hormones to help further that flaw in me.

Two bits of good news today though! In addition to good test results, I went and got my hair done before my doctor's appt. So I've been in good spirits today, having done something for myself to start taking steps to reclaiming my life which has seemed to get away from me since the beginging of this year when all of this began to get really bad. You've all be so supportive of me through all of this, I cannot express how grateful I am to be so blessed with wonderful friends such as yourselves.

Pixel hugs from me to you

Post Biopsy Blues

2007-05-01T12:24:00.000-05:00

I had another biopsy last Thursday - the fool that I am I didn't accept the numbing medicine once I saw the needle and freaked - I regret that. No good news yet, but I do have an appt. on the 10th to hopefully recieve the results from that. I've been referred to a few other speciallist & I'm going to be changing doctors - I'm very unhappy with the lack of care I've been given with a doctor who won't answer my questions.

I don't know that I'm capable of going into details right now, I'm very upset, but I feel like something inside of me broke when the doctor started cutting out pieces.

Follow Up Appt from Surgery

2007-04-18T12:23:00.000-05:00

I finally got to talk to the doctor after my surgery, the results from the biopsies they did then came back just in time too. Most everything they took out came back as endometriosis, except one spot. This one spot came back with the same results that had me worried before, so we're going to be doing another biopsy on the 26th - the results usually take 10+ days & with a little more knowledge about these things I will be asking them to stage the results because "we don't know for sure" isn't good enough.

Recovery from Surgery #1

2007-03-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

The surgery went fine, and I hope to be on a fast road to recovery. My time online will continue to be very limited over the next week and I'm already sick of sitting on the couch. I will also be needing a second surgery once I heal up from this one. There was a lot endometriosis which was starting to block some parts inside of me, so I am very lucky that we got it delt with before it could have reached that point. There was also something ground through my uterus wall which is the cause for my second surgery since that portion of the wall had to go. Everything will be sent to a lab for testing, let's all pray that the results come back negative for cancer. I see the doctor in two weeks, I'm calling Monday to make the appointment.

endometriosis.org

2007-03-24T11:04:00.000-05:00

For the past two months I have been dealing with constant pelvic pain, pain which often got so bad that I had a mind to consider visiting the emergency room. After finally getting my regular physician to heed the complaints I have been issuing her since the begining of our patient/doctor relationship years ago, I went to see a GYN. I reieved some bad news, and some possibly more bad news.

There seems to be no question that I have endometriosis, for which I will be going into surgery on Friday, March 30th to have portions cut out. Success in this surgery means to hopefully reduce the pain considerable if not entirely, temporarily. Endometriosis is not curable, doctors do not even know what specifically causes it. After the surgery I will begin hormonal treatment, where basically they will put me into a very early menopause for a six month period. Depending on how good or bad I feel at the end of that six months, another six months of such treatment may be required. If after a full year of hormonal treatment the pain pursists, we'll be nearly at the end of our options. Hysterectomy of course is always a last resort, and even with such there is no guaranty the entometriosis will not continue. The absolute final method of treatment is submitting myself to the fact that I may need partial dissability and heavy medication for pain. Let's just hope the surgery goes well, shall we?

As to the 'possibly more bad new' part of my opening statements, during the tests that lead up to this there were signs of possible cancer cells found. The particular type of cancer is not generally found in pre-menopausal women so there is not much expectation for this coming out truly possitive. I do have a history of getting sick with things rare and often considered out of my age group however, and so I am pressing for it to be looking into with all due diligence. With my dad going into a four month treatment for his bone marrow transplant on April 2nd after his own fight with cancer, I have very little mind to take any chances.

If you have questions about what endometriosis is, please visit www.endometriosis.org

You will note the following in my SL profile:

I am presently unable to spend much time actively online. I can always be contacted via email. In fact, recieving emails makes me very happy right now, so don't be strangers! I love and miss you all dearly. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

I do mean this very much, don't become strangers when I am only an email away. I will also try to be online as often as I can manage, I do have a jungle to finish after all.

Packing.org

2007-03-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

My last post was made the day before my office went to get certified for their CCW licenses, I went with them & to talk about it I have written a letter to the instructor. A letter of gratitude.

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Dear NRA Instructor,

I wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity on March 8th, 2007 to learn how to shoot a gun & help face my fears. My office came in as a group to take the CCW course, an offer I very nearly declined..

...and then I thought about it.

"Why not? Will it kill me to shoot a gun?" I asked.

"No." came my answer.

I decided that it was important for me to do this, for me.

You see, my best friend was shot and murdered on December 18th, 2004 by two very sick people & it has been a struggle for me to deal with the concept that anyone could be capable of the things they did to him. There was a lot of talk about the gun used at the trial & I had no reference against which to judge for myself. While there was no question of who did it, I wanted to understand the logistics of it. I learned a lot of things during the trial, like how they test for chemicals, DNA, finger prints, etc. - there is a lot more to these things than on TV or in movies. What I didn't learn though was how the gun worked, how loud was it, what the type of bullets used were capable of or how they exploded on impact.

While I'm sure this sounds very morbid to some, that I would want to know such details about the murder of my best friend, I hope that you can understand..

My best friend was murdered in cold blood, shot in the back of the head as he tried to escape. During a part of the trial one of the defendant's attorney made a very big deal about how fast the shot killed my friend. He asked the specialists questions like, "Could he have taken another step forward after he had been shot in the back of the head?" This was an issue he stressed very much, and I don't know why because it didn't have a point other than to upset everyone listening. The specialist became visibly annoyed by the line of questioning because it had no baring on the case and was kind enough to keep reiterating to the attorney that if my friend took a step it was only because his muscles had already begun the process and that he would not have had any brain function once the bullet struck his brain. The attorney finally let it go and moved on to more productive questions. The horrible fears and awful images these questions put into my head will never leave me, especially the way they plagued me before I had the knowledge I do now about how guns & bullets work.

I'm glad that I decided to do this, to do this for me. Regardless of whether or not anyone else can understand it, I now have a little more peace about my friend's death. Though I have no intention of owning a gun, I know that I am capable of handling one. Thank you.

Below is pasted what a reporter wrote about the trial in the paper. While the media never gets it all right, leaving much out and mixing up details, most of it is there..

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Jacksonville pair found guilty in roommate's death

Separate juries convict couple of murder, robbery and setting body and apartment on fire.

By SHANNAN BOWEN, The Times-Union

Separate juries found a Jacksonville couple guilty Friday of murdering their 22-year-old roommate, robbing him and then setting his body and apartment on fire -- crimes prosecutors say were mimicked after they watched the 1994 movie Natural Born Killers.

Angus Wallen and Kara Winn, both 27, were tried separately and each convicted of first-degree murder, robbery and arson in the Dec. 18, 2004, crime. Separate juries for each defendant determined that Wallen and Winn shot Brandon Murphy, took his car, debit card, Nintendo games and other property and then doused the body and the apartment with lighter fluid.

Circuit Judge Henry Davis heard the two trials at the same time but each jury heard only the closing arguments for one defendant because each blamed the other for the crimes.

Neither showed any reaction as their verdicts were read separately in court Friday. Wallen's jury reached its verdict Thursday night, but it was sealed until Friday evening -- after Winn's jury reached its verdict.

A sentencing hearing is set for Aug. 11. The penalty for first-degree murder is either death or life in prison.

Prosecutors said the two had watched Natural Born Killers the night before the murder and that the crime resembled one in the movie where a couple kills a man and lights his remains on fire and then escapes together.

Jerry Williams, a witness who was at the apartment complex that day, said he saw the couple get into a beige car and pause as the man leaned over to kiss a red-headed woman just before the apartment burst into flames.

Wallen and Winn, who were dating at the time of the murder, were found two days later in Biloxi, Miss., driving Murphy's 1994 beige Nissan Maxima.

Murphy, who had lived for five years at Fieldcrest Apartments, allowed Wallen and Winn to temporarily move into his apartment after his roommate had to move away, Murphy's mother, Trena Nesler, said.

"He had no idea who they were," Nesler said.

Prosecutors John Guy and London Hairston said crucial evidence for Winn's conviction came from her own testimony in which she admitted to firing one of two shots at Murphy in an attempt to get his debit card.

Winn said it was Wallen's idea to kill Murphy and that he was going to do so with a knife. Winn said she had drank a bottle of wine by the time she decided to pick up the gun Wallen had stolen from his father and point it at Murphy.

Winn said she fired the gun into the distance after Murphy refused to give up his card and that the shot hit him in the shoulder. She said Wallen then grabbed the gun and shot Murphy in the head.

Winn's mother testified Wednesday that her daughter had called her the night Winn was in Biloxi and said she had shot Murphy and that "it was cool."

Winn said she did not recall going to a Jacksonville Winn-Dixie to buy two cans of lighter fluid, but the two were seen there by a security camera.

They also were caught on video surveillance buying items from a Wal-Mart in Crestview with Murphy's debit card.

"None of this was my idea," Winn said in a raised voice under cross-examination. "He had me completely brainwashed. I was infatuated with him."

But a day earlier, Wallen's attorney Michael Edwards argued it was Winn who shot and killed Murphy. He said she had an opportunity to steal the gun from Wallen's father and that the gun was by her side when police arrested her in Biloxi.

Guy and Harris argued that Wallen's hand showed burns consistent with ones left by gun powder when shooting a gun. Wallen elected not to testify and no witnesses were called in his defense.

More than a dozen of Murphy's family and friends were in the courtroom throughout the five-day trial. After the verdicts were read, Nesler wiped the tears and gripped the hands of those sitting beside her.

"It's over, but it doesn't take the pain away," she said.

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They were both sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of parole.

Top 10 Gun Safety Tips

2007-03-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

10. Always keep your gun pointed in a safe direction, such as at a hippy or a communist.

9. Dumb children may get a hold of your guns and shoot each other. If your children are dumb, put them up for adoption to protect your guns.

8. No matter how responsible he seems, never give your gun to a monkey.

7. If guns make you nervous, drink a bottle of whisker before heading to the range.

6. When unholstering your weapon, it's customary to say "Excuse me while I whip this out."

5. Don't load your gun unless you are ready to shoot something or are just feeling generally angry.

4. If your gun misfires, never look down the barrel to inspect it. Have someone else do that for you.

3. Never use your gun to pistol whip someone. That could mar the finish.

2. No matter how excited you are about buying your first gun, do not run around yelling "I have a gun! I have a gun!"

1. And the most important rule of gun safety: Don't Piss ME Off!"

What Tarot Card are You?

2007-02-22T11:55:00.001-05:00

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Forbes: Jacksonville No. 3 in country for jobs

2007-02-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

Jacksonville Business Journal - 12:12 PM EST Monday, February 19, 2007

Jacksonville is the third-best city in the country for jobs, according to Forbes magazine. Six Florida cities are rated in the top 25 cities in the country for jobs.
Jacksonville had the highest rating in the state, moving into third place, from eighth place last year.

Forbes based the rankings on unemployment rate, job growth, income growth, median household income, and cost of living in the largest 100 metropolitan areas, as defined by the U.S. Census Bureau.

For the second straight year, Forbes has listed the Orlando-Kissimmee metropolitan area the fourth-best city in the country for jobs.

Other Florida metropolitan areas that made the top 25 included Fort Lauderdale (9th, up from 25th), Sarasota-Bradenton (11th, up from 26th), Tampa/St. Petersburg (13th, up from 29th) and West Palm Beach (16th, up from 37th).

Raleigh-Cary, N.C., occupied the top spot, followed by Phoenix.

Maturity

2007-02-08T08:50:00.000-05:00

This post is going to take me some time to really flesh out, but it'll be well worth it.

At the ripe old age of 21, it hit me, 'I'm still a kid.'

The wikipedia defines maturity as:

Maturity (psychological), a term used in psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner, often this implies a response that is reasoned or learned rather than impulsive.